Friday, May 24, 2013

Got Poo?

I'm starting to believe that most of the world troubles could be solved with poop! 

Moles in the yard... put doo-doo down the holes, they go the opposite direction.  Works for chipmunks too.

Dogs digging in the yard... put their bum brownies in the holes and cover it up, they won't dig there again.

People park in front of your house, cut through your yard because they are lazy and don't want to use  the parking lot.  We need a visual.
1. My House.
2. Where people park and cut through to the ...
3. T-ball fields.

So they park where that number 2 is (very fitting you'll see), I see them and when they are cutting through my yard... I nicely say, "Please don't park there. The Y is suppose to tell you not to park in our cal-du-sac."  They have 4-5 year olds with them..... and I hear...

"It's a free country."
"You don't own the street."
"I live in this neighborhood."

The men get belligerent, men don't like to be told they can't park places I guess.  I just shut up... hard to believe I know... but I got poo!  Kenny shits like a horse, and top that off with two labs, God knows I have enough of it!

I go to their car and place the colon cannon balls in front of the driver door and passenger door.  In the grass because I know that 4-5 year olds don't look for Hell's candy.

However, if the person has been a jerk and said, "I can park where I want!" or any of of the above smart ass phrases, I do the surround...

I put anal output by all four doors and right under the tires so they have to roll over it. Nothing says, "You're a shithead." like your car and garage smelling of feces.

Once I was lucky enough to hear the daughter, of one of the guys that yelled at me, shriek , "Ewww, I just stepped in poo!" I know you want to say, why drag their kids through this crap?  But since the parents don't seem to mind yelling at me in front of their kids, I don't mind getting bun fudge on their kids shoes so they will have to clean it up. 

Enough talk of dung, I need to go out and de-fecalize the yard so I can mow.

May your day be filled with sunshine and unicorns!

... and yes, there is this delightful webpage called "The Poop Thesauraus."


Kate said...

I love it! Makes me wish I had a bigger dog than a Dachshund!

Mary C said...

You are too funny! For the a-holes, it's not the parking that would bother me, it's the tromping thru my property. You have definitely come up with a great solution, I bet there aren't many "repeat offenders" especially after the poop surround :)

Anonymous said...

Michelle you are delightfully evil. I like that in a friend. :)

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